Sometimes I Doubt

It's been a while since my last post about Jazz but I thought I should really share how my testimony 

has grown because of what happened.

 I need to back up about a month and say that my testimony had been really struggling. I was

feeling small and insignificant in the eyes of my Heavenly Father. I felt like He didn't really care.

I knew the church was true but I was doubting that he cared as much as I was always told.

Now, About 15 minutes after we found out that Jazz was missing Kory suggested that we say a prayer.

I rolled my eyes and said okay. But secretly I thought that Heavenly Father didn't really care about my missing dog.  But I decided to try it. For the next 24 hours every prayer that was said in our house included a request for Jazz's return. The Second night she was missing I was getting ready to go out looking for her again. I was rally cranky about it. I said to Kory something to the effect of how easy it would be for Heavenly Father to send my dog home but that He must not care enough to send her home and then I went out looking for her. Now, I need to say that I am not the kind of person who expects things just to happen for me. I believe that Heavenly Father will help us as long as we do every thing we can to improve our situation and sometimes he will help us even if we don't. But I was out putting up lost signs, looking for her and calling all the neighbors that I could think of.  When I came home that night I

was really upset and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I woke up early form a dream. In my dream I had walked out into my back yard and Jazz had been sitting right out side our fence. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't shake the feeling that I should go check the back yard. Finally I did. To my surprise there was Jazz laying less that 5 feet from where I had seen her in my dream. She had been hit by a car and was unable to walk. I found out later that day that her whole front right shoulder was shattered and her back leg had a large gash about 9 inches in length and all the way to the bone.  I took her to the vet and it was going to cost $1600 and multiple surgeries and a painful recovery so we decided to have her put to sleep which was a very painful decision. 

After taking to the vet I realized how much pain she must have endured to get home. I felt like trash.

I had been complaining while she had been suffering and Heavenly Father had been working on getting her home. I don't know how she and He did it but I know that Heavenly Father loves me. 

The next day was the General Relief Society Broadcast. I was so grateful for the talks given, almost all

of them where about how much Heavenly Father loves us. I felt like it was just for me. Also, The next weekend at General Conference there were more talks given about the Love of our Heavenly Father. 

Now, there is not doubt in my mind how much He loves me.